Play the Fool
by crystal-chan
Summary: After three years of torturous stupidity, poor Kurogane has finally fallen for his goofy roommate. Too bad Fai's already seeing someone. AU KuroFai Warning: Yaoi and character abuse. Undergoing MAJOR edits!
1. Idiot in Love

Ah. Hello all! I am currently in the midst of re-writing this baby. I meant to go through and just post all the edited chapters at the same time, but then I kept getting discouraged becauase it seemed like such a daunting task... so I just went ahead and posted the first re-done chapter. These should comethrough fairly quickly as I'm only editing. Although... I believe I actually doubled chapter one in size... er... oh well.

Happy reading!

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Kurogane grumbled as he lifted yet another loose article of clothing from the living room floor. He didn't know why he put up with his damn roommate. The man was a total slob most of the time, and he was always _so annoying._ He was never around when Kurogane wanted someone to talk to, and he was always around when Kurogane didn't. It was impossible to get any schoolwork done with the man in the room, and his ability to get good grades without ever studying really got on Kurogane's last nerve. But… It wouldn't feel right to share a room with anyone else. As it was, he didn't know what he would do when he graduated this year, and there was no more reason to share an apartment with the music major. Would they simply… drift apart? Despite his utter hatred of every quirk that damn musician had, Kurogane didn't think he could handle that. His roommate had irrevocably and irreversibly managed to get under his skin.

The martial artist swore and threw an unsuspecting sock violently into the nearby laundry hamper. The hell was he moping about? He didn't _need_ his roommate. He'd be just fine without the blond man. Even if he would lose his best drinking buddy. Even if it was hard to sleep without the sound of heavy, steady breathing in the adjacent bed. Even if each morning absent of those blue eyes became the worst day of his life… Damn it.

He threw the next article of clothing hard enough to knock the hamper over, and stood staring at the spilled laundry as he tried to gather his thoughts. Who was he even fooling anymore? Himself? He had never been very good at lying. Kurogane laughed darkly and stood the hamper back up again. There was no more escaping it. Despite all the odds, despite three years of being annoyed beyond all belief, Kurogane had fallen helplessly in love with the musician. It was a truth made all the more painful by the fact that he couldn't have him.

Kurogane had denied it—had feigned hate and tried to push the blond away for as long as his self control would allow. He hadn't wanted to admit that he was in love, let alone in love with the most obstinate, ditzy, frustrating person alive! But over the summer, he'd begun to come to terms with it. He came back to school ready to confess everything, saw those blue eyes again and hesitated. For three years, Kurogane had been nothing short of cruel to his roommate, not always undeservedly, but still. How could he possibly hope that _anyone_ would want to go out with him after that? So he'd turned coward. It was better to be friends with the man he loved than to be rejected. He didn't think he'd be able to stand seeing pity or loathing on that face.

But then, just a few weeks ago, Ashura had made his move. Damn music theory professor. He should know to keep his hands off his students. And now Kurogane couldn't deny the jealousy churning in the pit of his stomach. He didn't know what to do. Should he say something, and risk ruining the strange friendship they had built over the years? Or maybe… was it better this way? The blond seemed so happy every time he said Ashura's name. Maybe it was for the best. Kurogane couldn't bear to take that happiness away from his friend, no matter the cost.

So he'd endured the burgeoning couple and the frequent dates and the obnoxious nicknames and he was starting to go mad. He spent most of his time moping these days. Unfortunately, one of his friends had noticed. Without even bothering to ask what the problem was, Souma dragged him off to the bar for some "cheering up." He really wished she hadn't. It had only served to make him more depressed, and give him a rather nasty hangover. Kurogane had woken up this morning to the blaring alarm, made an attempt to get ready to leave, and finally decided to cancel practice at the dojo. After that, he hadn't tried to get out of bed until three o'clock, and had been completely useless until just past dinnertime. Now he was stuck cleaning up their apartment haphazardly, all too aware that the person who usually cooked was still absent from the night before.

He had just finished putting the last shirt in the laundry hamper when the sound of the creaking door resounded throughout the living room. Slowly, the object of Kurogane's musings made his way through the doorway and collapsed languidly onto the couch. Kurogane paled as he watched the awkward, exhausted way his roommate slid into the room. He'd only seen that shuffle once before, and that was after a funeral. His heart jumped as theories ran wild through his thoughts. Had something happened to Chi? Kurogane was afraid to ask what was wrong, horrified of what could make the musician act like this.

Then he spotted the black eye, and all rational thought flew out the window.

"Fai? What the hell happened?" The man in question jumped before turning to regard Kurogane with wide eyes. He didn't seem to have noticed the dark-haired man was there. Kurogane's brow darkened. Fai's every motion screamed fear, and he didn't know what on earth could make the musician act that way. The tense seconds passed like hours before Fai managed to find his mask again. He forced himself to smile but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Kurogane! Didn't you have classes today? I thought you usually taught at the dojo on Saturdays." Fai's voice sounded wrong. It was had a hoarse quality to it that led Kurogane to believe the man had been crying. He didn't like the thought of tears in those eyes, but more than that he didn't like the way Fai was lying to him. Kurogane had long ago learned not to use Fai's expressions to gauge his emotions. Muscle tension and body language were much better indicators, and right now they were telling him Fai was hurt and afraid. Kurogane took all this in, and ignored the obvious attempt to change the subject. His stern expression remained unchanged. Fai wasn't going to just brush him off this time. It might have worked a few years ago, but he was used to Fai's tricks now. He had already been the victim of everything the man could possibly pull to get out of this situation and Fai knew it. His blonde companion eventually sighed, giving in to Kurogane's silent glare.

"You never were the type to let things go, were you Kuro-mu." Still, Kurogane didn't rise to the bait. Nicknames didn't truly bother him anymore, hadn't for a while. Fai was apparently too exhausted to think up some other manipulative trick.

The two sat together in silence, caught up in a battle of wills that might have been comical if it weren't so very tense. Then, without warning, Fai moved. He leapt off the couch, darting past Kurogane and making a run for the bathroom. Kurogane reacted almost before he realized what was happening. Hell no! Fai wasn't getting out of this one. He chased Fai half-way across the living room before the musician suddenly swayed and collapsed. Kurogane was by his side in an instant, earlier confusion and anger switched for soul consuming worry. He felt his heart racing in his chest as he helped the one he loved off the hard floor. Fai was weak and all too light against his shoulder.

"Fai…?" The martial artist tried to swallow, but his mouth was suddenly dry. "Fai, what's wrong?" A thousand different possibilities raced through his mind, each more ridiculous than the last. He'd never seen Fai act like this, not even when the blond was feverish did he allow himself to appear weak. Kurogane didn't know what to do as his roommate breathed too quickly and too shallowly beside him. Perhaps he should have checked for injuries or at least brought the musician back to the couch, but his thoughts seemed strangely absent. He continued to panic until Fai laughed darkly.

"I'm such an idiot, Kurogane. But you know that." Fai's tired, battered face looked up at him from his shoulder, and Kurogane felt his breath hitch at the self-hatred there. He'd never noticed how very much Fai loathed himself. What else had he missed about the enigmatic man? "You've known that right from the start. Such an… idiot…" As Fai's words trailed off, his head fell heavily to loll against Kurogane's chest and the crimson stain marring pail hair became blaringly obvious.

"Fai! C'mon Fai, don't fall asleep. You've probably got a hell of a concussion." Kurogane parted the hair carefully with his free hand and was glad to note that the wound would not need stitches. "Damn it Fai! Don't you dare fall asleep!" He shook the man to try and wake him up a bit, but only received a weak groan for his effort. Fai shifted against him and tried to take another step towards the bathroom.

" 'm gonna be sick." The small voice sounded more frightened that Kurogane had ever heard it, and spurred him into frantic motion. With almost no effort at all, he hoisted the thin frame beside him and carried the musician to their shared bathroom. He scarcely had time to brush back blonde hair before his injured love was retching into the porcelain bowl. Each heave shook his whole body, and Kurogane was afraid he would never stop.

He felt helpless. He knew he should say something, but condolences had never been his style and any kind of comfort now would just be embarrassing. Still, Fai's sudden illness eventually dissolved into sobbing and Kurogane couldn't bring himself to sit awkwardly by any longer. The martial artist threw his pride aside to awkwardly rub his roommate's shivering back. His mind raced frantically through all the things his mother used to do for him when he had been sick, but it had been so long that he couldn't quite remember. He abandoned his post for a moment to retrieve a washcloth from the cabinet, and set himself to wiping the tears and the evidence of sickness away. Fai leaned boneless against him as he worked and Kurogane worried over just how warm the man was. Should he try to get medicine now that it looked like Fai would keep it down, or should he continue his pathetic attempt at comfort?

The dilemma was solved for him when shaking hands were suddenly reaching for him, pulling him as close as they dared. The tears that had been dissipating earlier came back in full force, violently wracking Fai's willow-thin frame. Kurogane didn't know what to do. He just sat there with his arms wrapped awkwardly around the one he loved, too caught by surprise to do anything but watch Fai hurt. He felt like he was invading on something private, seeing Fai so broken and open and completely _raw_ like this.

Eventually, the tears dwindled to nothing and the sniffling slowed to a stop. But by the time Fai had forced a smile back on his face, Kurogane could feel the rage burning deep within his chest, growing brighter with every stifled sob because someone had hurt _his_ Fai like this. His arms fell uselessly to his sides as Fai pushed away. He could do nothing but look on as Fai used the sink to pull himself up off the floor, gaze sharp and unwavering. The musician was hiding it well, but he could see the way Fai was swaying ever so slightly on his feet. Still, the perfect grin was back on his battered face. Kurogane wondered just how much of a lie that smile had always been.

"Eh… sorry about that Kuro-tan. You must really hate me now, right?" The martial artist didn't let the words phase him, but he couldn't deny the sharp stab of pain at the thought of hating Fai. He ignored it and continued to glare from his place on the floor. He was going to find out who had hurt his roommate in such a way, and then he was going to make them wish they'd never been born. He was completely useless when it came to emotions and comfort and all that mess, but revenge was one thing he knew he could handle.

"Who was it, Fai?" That bright, deception of a smile faltered for a moment before coming back full force. Kurogane could see that Fai was planning ways to escape. The blond reached for the doorknob.

"I think my eye might need some ice. It's starting to feel a bit—"

"_Who_?" He demanded as he stood, backing Fai into the door and pushing it closed once again. The musician winced, eyes filling with the deepest kind of fear. Kurogane felt like a monster, seeing Fai look at him like that, but he had to get an answer now when Fai was weak and tired or he'd never know what had happened.

"Really, Kuro no need to get upset. It was just an accident." Listening to that voice, there seemed to be nothing but truth in Fai's words. But Kurogane could see the way Fai's eyes slid dishonest from his own, could see the fear still churning deep within. Even if he hadn't just sat next to the blond man as he cried he would have known that this was more than "just an accident."

"Fai." He growled, ignoring the way his roommate flinched away from him. "For once in your life, don't lie to me." He'd said the wrong thing. Fai's fear turned to resolute anger in moments, smiling mask coming back cool and dangerous as he shoved Kurogane away.

"It was an ac-ci-dent." He sang as he opened the door, voice light and jovial but his eyes anything but. Kurogane cursed himself and reached out to stop the man, hand closing around a pale wrist. He didn't expect to actually stop Fai. Despite looking like a complete pansy, the blond was actually pretty strong. Sure, Kurogane could beat him if he really tried, but he was too afraid of shattering that fragile frame to do any harm. So he knew Fai would be able to get away.

Which is why he was so surprised when Fai froze. The musician was doubled over and biting back a groan of pain by the time Kurogane had come out of shock enough to realize it. He gingerly lifted the injured wrist, internally berating himself for hurting Fai in any way. A nasty, hand-print shaped bruise stared back at him. Kurogane almost felt his heart stop before he realized the hand-print was a little too small to be his own.

"What. _Happened_?" He bit out once he could breathe again. Fai was shaking once more, swaying uneasily. Kurogane was pretty sure the idiot should be in bed right now, recovering, but he needed to have some answers before he could fix Fai up. Now that he was looking he could see the evidence of bruises creeping out at him from Fai's neckline and sleeves. He was going to _kill_ whoever did this.

"N-not important." The blond was afraid again and this time Kurogane wasn't sure why. Fai had a habit of lying and being impossible, but he didn't usually put this much effort into one of his games. What reason could he possibly have to protect his attacker? Unless… Kurogane looked at the violent purple hand-print that stained his roommate's wrist and swore.

"I'll kill him!" He managed to choke out through the anger. He was half-way to the door when he felt those shaking hands trying to pull him back. Kurogane blinked away the rage that clouded his vision and looked to see just what had stopped him. Fai was standing there, leaning against the martial artist almost as much as he was trying to restrain him.

"Stop, please." He didn't think he'd ever seen the musician so desperate or afraid as those blue eyes stared frantically, searchingly into his own. "It's not… It isn't what you're thinking." Kurogane couldn't help the jealousy and the bitterness roiling black within his heart.

"Oh really? Then what the hell is it, Fai? Because I'm thinking he beat the shit out of you." The blond seemed to recoil as if he'd been physically hit before falling against Kurogane's chest. His breath was coming out in little puffs how, skin entirely too warm. He must have made himself sick with all this emotional trauma, injuries aside. The martial artist felt guilty for straining him further like this, but what else was he supposed to do? Just stand by and let this slide?

"It was my fault. You don't know anything about it so just—it's not important." Fai was almost always eloquent, but he was stumbling over his words now and Kurogane was really starting to worry about that head injury. He needed to get another look at it. Perhaps they should go to the hospital after all? But this needed to be addressed, and it needed to be done now.

"I'm calling Souma. She can look after you while I go teach that bastard a lesson." He muttered, half to himself, half to Fai. He wasn't paying attention to Fai's inane arguments. Head injury, after all; the blond was bound to say stupid things.

"Kurogane, please!" He could tell that Fai was getting more and more upset. The tears were coming back full force, and Kurogane couldn't help but feel guilty that he'd been the one to bring them out this time.

"Bastard's at his apartment right? I dropped you off there one time, so I'm pretty sure I remember—"

"Stop it!" Fai sobbed, knocking Kurogane's cell phone away when the dark-headed man made to call his classmate. He was all anger and despair and desperation and Kurogane couldn't keep his heart from hurting to see Fai like that.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" He shouted, flustered and jealous and just wanting to _hurt_ someone. "He hurt you! Why are you—_protecting_ him!"

"_Because I love him_!"

They stood there for some time, both trembling with rage and hurt as those words echoed into silence. Kurogane finally managed to bite back his emotions, tearing his eyes away from that bright, furious gaze before lifting the blond in his arms. He couldn't possibly explain just how much hearing those words had ached, but they had drained the ire and the fight out of him. He felt like a gutted shell as he laid Fai on the mattress, wandering into the bathroom to find his first-aid supplies.

What could he say against those words? There was nothing, and he knew it. If he went after Ashura, he would hurt Fai. And maybe it would be better for Fai in the end, but he didn't think he could stand to see those blue eyes staring him down with cool hatred. More than anything, he wouldn't be able to bear that. Kurogane would do anything for the one he loved. Anything, but make himself hated.

"Don't fall asleep," he called as he stepped from the bathroom, bandages finally in hand. Kurogane closed his eyes, banished the self-hatred and the fury, and took a step forward. This was the beginning of something terrible—something he would regret. He just _knew_ that it would get worse, and that he wouldn't be able to do a damn thing about it. It was going to kill him inside, probably Fai too.

He was right.


	2. Lies about True Love

Hi all! It's been a while… So I've replaced this chapter utterly. It was originally a bit of drivel where Fai is drunk and silly, but I decided that Kurogane was taking things far too well. I like to think I've begun to understand a bit more of human psychology as I get older. (ha) and Kurogane was just a bit too good to be true.

This seemed a bit more real and less childish. Sorry if you liked the original chapter better!

05/02/10

Keep in mind--This chapter subject to extreme edits in the near future.

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.

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The next few months seemed to drag on, time slowing down to draw out the torture Kurogane was forced to endure. He couldn't bear to see Fai break down, to see him come home some nights battered and on the edge of delirium. It was positively maddening to watch this slow destruction and be able to do _nothing_ but watch. It was wearing on him just as much as it was weakening Fai. Some days it was all he could think about; harrowing him every second of the day, haunting him with visions of Fai's battered face or fears for what might happen to Fai in the future. Other days he managed to relegate it to the back of his mind, buried behind the exams and the martial arts practice and the mess of family. Fai made it frighteningly easy to forget. He had never been the sort of person to face his problems. It was one of the many things that really ticked Kurogane off about the musician. He wouldn't, _couldn't_ face his own demons. Instead, he plastered a smile on his face, tried to make Kurogane think that nothing had ever happened at all. If it weren't for the occasional nights where he'd wrapped up cuts and iced down bruises, he might have believed Fai's smiling lies.

He was used to the musician's deceit. It was something normal, something to tie him down to earth. Maybe it had angered him once, but if Fai ever stopped lying Kurogane thought the world might end. No, it wasn't the blonde's deception that bothered him, it was his own. The worst lie of all was one told quietly, endlessly within the depths of his slipping mind. Sometimes, _sometimes_, he could even believe it. Fai would look at him in just the right way, the sunlight would hit blond hair and blue eyes and reflect in a thousand dancing lights across the room. He could hear laughter, feel the simplistic happiness in the air over something stupid that had just happened, and all he could remember was that he _loved_ this man, loved him more than anything. Everything would be fine, and it always would be, because who could stand in the way of true love? Those moments hurt the worst, because for a scant few seconds he had believed in something that wouldn't, _couldn't_ happen.

He was beginning to realize a few things about _love_ as he watched Fai come home every time with his heart torn and bleeding in his hands, felt those tears through the fabric on his shoulder. The world said things about true love and didn't really mean them. It wasn't a spell or a panacea. It couldn't keep the world from burning down around their feet. It couldn't save anyone—just twisted the organ in a man's chest and forced him to move like a puppet on its strings. Love was bruises and bandages and lying make-up. He had to remind himself of that daily or he might just go mad with wishing.

Kurogane turned in his bed, rubbing his eyes in the dark and trying to keep his thoughts from churning. He didn't know what to do—didn't know what he _should_ do. Where did Fai's rights as an adult end and his duty as a friend begin? When was the time to step in and force Fai to see the kind of poison he'd dosed himself with? He wanted to stop it, he really did. But if Fai chose this, then what right did he have to—

Fuck it. He could think up excuses about rights and decisions all he wanted, but the truth was that he was still nothing more than a coward. Maybe what Fai and the bastard had was true love, maybe it wasn't. He still knew what was _right—_knew that black eyes and bruises were not it. Right was the hardest road. Right was pain and hatred and broken relationships. What he _should _do, was protect Fai from the world, from his own stupid "love," even if it meant those blue eyes would never look at him again. But that was something he just couldn't bring himself to do.

Kurogane stared at the ceiling and tried to ignore the way his heart was aching in his chest, cursing himself for loving so selfishly. Maybe if he had loved Fai a little less or a little more he could actually do something instead of this; spending sleepless nights waiting in the dark to know that the blond was home and _okay_ and not bleeding this time.

He didn't know what time it was when he finally heard the front door swing open, hinges protesting with a muffled whine. He needed to fix that later, but he wasn't thinking about repairing the door at the moment, not really. He was straining his ears for any sound, any indication that all was not as it should be. A sniffle, a quiet whimper, did he hear one? There was the rustling of fabric, closet door opened and closed, something dropped to the floor. He couldn't bear it, maybe he couldn't hear but he just _knew_ the way Fai would be crying now, tears streaming silently down his face. One sign, _one_ and he would be out there in a heartbeat, he could—

Something fell loudly against the wooden floor of the entry way. Kurogane tore the covers off his bed and ran, thoughts of Fai lying injured flooding horrible through his mind. Goddamn that bastard, if he'd hurt Fai again he _swore_ he was going to… was going to…!

"Fai?" He choked as he came to a stop in the living room, only to see the musician looking perfectly fine and sheepish in the doorway.

"Ah, Kuro-tan! Did I wake you up?" the blond asked, grinning his usual grin. Kurogane saw no deception in it.

"No, I…" He was flustered, unsure what to do now with the adrenaline and worry still pumping through his veins. "What was that noise?" Fai grimaced, motioning to the coat rack behind him.

"I knocked the damn thing over… and I was trying so hard not to wake you up!" He couldn't really tell if the dork was whining or teasing right now, but he didn't have the presence of mind to try. Kurogane fell bonelessly on to the couch, near to shaking with relief. He'd thought for sure he would find Fai unconscious and bleeding on the floor and the image was not quick to leave him.

"Kurogane, are you—I mean…" Maybe the musician seemed warm and welcoming to others, but he was always awkward when he actually tried to care. He stepped closer until he was almost within reach. Funny thing that—almost within reach. Wasn't that where Fai had always been for him? Kurogane threw the thought from his mind with an audible shake, glaring at his clenched fists. He refused to give in to those idiotic thoughts. He also refused to admit the way his hands were itching to draw Fai closer.

"It's nothing," Kurogane answered before the question could be fully asked. "I was just—worried." He smoothed his own mask over before Fai could think too much on it, pinned the man down with fake anger. "What kind of idiot stays out this late the day before an exam anyway?" Fai didn't fall for it. His words were light, but those eyes were ice-cold.

"The one who's dating the professor." The martial-artist felt the sting of those words far more than he probably should have. It was hard to keep the pain from his face but somehow he managed. As if he needed a _reminder_ of that. Sometimes Kurogane wondered if Fai didn't already know the secrets smothered and buried deep within his mind. It would certainly explain how he knew _exactly_ where to wound. "What did you have to be worried about? I told you it would be fine." Maybe it was the lack of sleep, maybe it was that the wishing and the stress were finally getting to him. For some reason Kurogane couldn't keep his mouth from running off this time.

"You say that every time," he growled. "And then you come home bleeding and I do my damndest to fix you and try not to think too hard about whether or not I should've taken you to the hospital." He'd come too close—too close to the taboo and he knew it. Fai glared at him—too angry to come up with a joke this time.

"I'm sorry it's such a _burden_ on you, Kurogane." The blond turned on his heel, marching toward their shared room. Kurogane tried to pull him back, an apology on his lips but Fai pushed him away. "At least I won't be taxing you for too much longer, right? Ashura asked me to move in with him next semester." He was walking away, so he didn't see the pain and the jealousy finally starting to burn like acid through Kurogane's masks—couldn't notice the widening of eyes or the paleness of that face. "Won't it be nice not to worry about an idiot like me anymore?" Fai called behind him, voice dripping with acrid sweetness. The bedroom door slammed, Kurogane shook.

He slept on the couch that night and hoped Fai couldn't hear the sounds of his broken heart burning.


	3. A Taste of Salt

.*runs around* don't hurt me! I'M SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN FOREVER!

In any case, this story is undergoing MAJOR renovations. Pretty much, anything after this scene is going to change drastically very soon. I'm getting through, piece by piece.

hope you enjoy!

(09/16/10)

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"You can unlock the door now, Kurogane." Fai's voice was uncharacteristically frigid as they stopped in front of Ashura's apartment. He didn't bother to use his usual masks; Kurogane could see through them all anyway. That goddamn martial artist had always seen through him as though he were made of glass, right down to the rotten, lying core. It was unnerving. It was infuriating. It was…

_Intoxicating_, the twisted voice supplied from some deep, buried part of his soul. He violently quelled such self-destructive thoughts. Those half formed dreams were long over. They'd ceased to matter in the face of all Ashura could bring.

"So can you," Kurogane snorted back. His gaze never left the wet road stretching on and on behind the protesting windshield wipers. Fai mumbled uncomplimentary things below his breath and unlocked the passenger-side door. "Hey, Fai." He wasn't feeling particularly conciliatory when it came to his meddlesome roommate right now, but those two syllables were filled with so much fear and urgency that he couldn't help but freeze, eyes wide. Kurogane was many things, but he was never afraid. "Fai." Kurogane repeated after clearing his throat. He sounded more like himself. Perhaps his voice had merely cracked. It was the most plausible reason Fai could think of for his friend to sound so… _wrong_. "I… call me later, ok?" Fai growled and picked his bags up viciously in one hand, using the other to force the door open with unnecessary strength.

"Don't count on it." He shot behind himself, words as emotionless as he could make them. Some part of him realized that Kurogane was perhaps worried for him—that there was logic in worrying. He'd come home injured before, Kurogane was only trying to keep it from happening again. But, for the most part, Fai just… He didn't need anyone to tell him that this was stupid, or dangerous. He _knew_ that, deep down, but he didn't want to hear it. He wasn't a child to be protected, he was an adult, capable of making his own decisions. He could handle this. Besides, Ashura hadn't… hadn't hit him in weeks. Why couldn't Kurogane just believe him when he said everything was ok?

Why couldn't he believe _himself_?

He shook such dismal thoughts away as he picked his way down the familiar path to his boy-friend's apartment, purposefully ignoring the way Kurogane lingered, SUV idling in the middle of the road until Fai was out of sight. He refused to let that mean anything. Not even in the face of all those nights spent huddling, bruised and bleeding, safe in the circle of his roommate's arms. It didn't mean anything. It _couldn't_ mean anything. Because Ashura meant more.

"Honey, I'm home!" He half-sung as he used the spare key to let himself in. Nothing but silence was there to greet him. "Ashura?" he called into the empty apartment, dropping his bags by the living room couch. He had a strange, sinking feeling—as though his heart were falling its way to his stomach. "Ashura?" Fai tried again, making his way through every room until he came to the kitchen. The faint rustle of paper there was enough to scare him right out of his skin.

"So you decided to come after all?" the professor drawled, barely visible behind his newspaper. He was seated at the kitchen table, reading away as though he'd found the most interesting article in the world. Fai forced his face into a brighter grin, even as his heart slipped another inch.

"What are you talking about, babe?" He called, forcing himself to maintain his usual ebullience. "I'm not late, am I?" Ashura hummed noncommittally and looked out the window to the street below.

"Did you and Kurogane have a lot to talk about, then?" He remarked, his cool gaze sweeping to meet Fai's shocked one. "I hope it was important. You were practically a traffic obstruction for the last ten minutes." _We weren't sitting there that long, were we? _was all Fai could think before what Ashura was accusing him of finally clicked in his mind.

"Wha—Ashura are you implying…?" he didn't know how he could possibly respond to something like that. How… how could Ashura possibly think he'd pick Kurogane over this tidal-wave of a love? Hadn't he proven how much he needed his dear professor? Hadn't he believed and bled and suffered and given enough of himself for Ashura to realize that this was all he wanted? Apparently not. Ashura's glare was piercing, searing him to his very soul. There was madness in those eyes, and hurt far deeper than Fai could ever hope to heal. He would do anything to make that ache go away, but he knew by now it was a lost cause. Ashura had been hurt somewhere Fai couldn't possibly reach, for all his love.

"I don't know, am I?" The words were calm and toneless, but somehow terrifying as Ashura stood, laying his newspaper quietly back to the table. He prowled toward the stunned blond, graceful and dangerous as some jungle cat. "Do I need to imply something, Fai?" What was he supposed to say? Fai's mind was racing, searching for the thing that would make Ashura the happiest.

"Ashura I—you know I love you too much for that." Fai pleaded, trying not to cringe away from the man he professed to adore. He had to trust Ashura if he expected Kurogane to do the same.

"I know you spend more time with him than me." It was the pitiful whine of a neglected child, but Fai couldn't say that. "I know he makes you laugh, makes you smile." Ashura was so close now that Fai could feel his breath, warm and trembling against his lips. "Tell me, Fai. Does he make you moan too?" The sheer audacity of such a claim caught him off guard. It shouldn't have. He knew Ashura had been cheated on by whoever it was who'd hurt him so—only natural he'd think Fai would treat him the same way.

Right?

"No! No—Ashura, he… he's my roommate. Nothing more." He pleaded, hoping he didn't sound as disappointed about that fact as he thought he did. "We've never been anything more." Fai astutely ignored the memory of warm arms and a strong shoulder to cry on, of strange, ruby red eyes that could see through him like no other could. Doesn't matter doesn't matter _doesn't matter!_

"Don't lie to me!" Ashura seethed, and before he knew it he was sprawled out on the floor, the sharp taste of blood flooding his mouth. _Busted lip again_, he announced to himself, probing the wound with his tongue in the silence. How was he possibly going to hide it in the morning? If Kurogane saw it, he'd only take it as proof that he was right and he wasn't… _He wasn't_.

He lay still for some time, trying to make himself as small as possible, less of a target. Ashura didn't mean it, he knew. He'd shiver in a moment, the violence would disappear from his beautiful face, and he'd be back to the man Fai loved so much. Any second now. One… two… three…

"F-Fai?" Ashura was staring down at him in horror, looking between the blood on Fai's face, and his own hand. "It happened again, didn't it," he murmured, looking so heartbroken and guilty that Fai couldn't help but forgive him. It didn't matter. Ashura picked him up again, brushed him off as if he were fine china and kissed him until he couldn't taste the blood any longer. Fai knew he'd fall and forgive a thousand times if he had to. If that was what it took to stay right here.

"Fai, why do you lie to me if you know you'll just get hurt?" Ashura asked once he'd finished apologizing. Fai tensed, looking suspiciously into his love's fathomless eyes. He caught the hint of madness there.

"I'm not lying." He pleaded, flinching away from Ashura's suddenly iron grip. "Ashura, I could _never_ pick him over you. Not even for a second." Fai knew there were a thousand fairy-tales and stifled dreams burning somewhere inside him as he spoke, but they mattered little in the face of the here and now. Ashura mattered.

"But you've thought of it. You've dreamed of him, haven't you?" He wanted to deny it, but the truth must have been written on his face. Ashura growled like an animal, raised a fist to strike him again before thinking better of it and turning away in disgust. He stormed back to the living room, and before long Fai thought he could hear the muffled sounds of the television running.

The blond slid back to the floor for a few moments, just long enough to put his shattered heart back together. He'd done it so many times, it was only getting easier.

"Ashura, would you like some pop-corn?" he called, waltzing his way across the kitchen before he received an answer. "I think I'd like to watch a movie." The professor said nothing for a long while. Fai didn't expect him to. So when Ashura re-appeared in the kitchen doorway, Fai just about tripped over himself in fright.

"No matter what," he drawled, trying to hide how guilty he felt for Fai's reaction. The music student chided himself for acting so fearful of his own boyfriend. If he couldn't _trust_ Ashura how could he possibly claim to love the man? "you know I… care for you, right?" Fai's smile was bittersweet.

"Yes." He chimed, forcing the tears away. _You care for me, but you don't love me_. He knew the truth well enough. _Maybe you'll never love me._ It was good enough—Fai could love Ashura enough for the both of them.

"Thank you," the older man murmured, crossing the room to give one last kiss. They both lost themselves in it in the gentle beauty of it, and pretended not to taste the salt of Fai's tears.


	4. Prank Call

Yaaay! completely re-written chapter, go! lol. I'm way to tired for this. XD

sorry to all of you who are getting screwy story alerts right now. I think I'm going to put an AN at the end of the story to inform everyone on that.

Other than that... err... enjoy? I'm really happy about all the good reviews I've been getting. :) seems like people really seem to get into my character psych, which makes me happy since I've tried so hard to perfect that aspect of the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Tsubasa. Don't sue me please.

(09/18/10)

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He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen himself in a mirror.

It was an odd thing to realize just at this moment. He was fighting just to stay awake, leaning his aching back against the cool glass of the phone booth. Each breath made darkness creep insect-like across his vision, but it didn't stop him from catching sight of his own reflection. Night had fallen and provided a perfect backdrop for his ghost-like image on the dirty glass. His hair was messy and windblown, eyes surrounded by deep, sleepless bags. The faint trail of blood seeped from one corner of his mouth. He looked like a dead man walking.

Fai covered his reflection with a shaking hand, and tried to block the self-loathing and despair from his mind long enough to find a way out of this mess. It was hard. Even when the pain was so sharp he couldn't breathe, the emotional ache was stronger. Because he saw more than his own battered face against the glass; he saw bruises and make-up and play-pretend smiles and he hated himself for it. He wasn't fixing anything. He was nothing more than a burden to everyone right now, all his professions about choice and decision aside. It wasn't so easy to look _himself_ in the face and keep lying. Not when everything was falling apart like this.

Another spasm of pain overtook him. For how long, he didn't know but when he opened his eyes again, he realized he had fallen against the phone and knocked it off the hook.

"_To place a call," _The disembodied voice drifted from him from the receiver, drifting in and out as the phone swung on its silver cord. Fai reached for it and tried not to scream at the way the motion twisted something in his chest. His breath was coming in shaking gasps by the time he'd finally grasped it, and he had to resist the urge not to laugh hysterically. He didn't know what he was doing here. He didn't know how he'd gotten here. All he knew was that he'd wandered away from Ashura's apartment praying for some kind of miracle and he'd found cool glass and floating voices instead. He felt hollow, as though someone had reached deep inside and scooped his insides out, scraping him raw. Ashura had given him reasons to hope. He'd been so gentle and loving lately, hadn't raised a hand against him in so long that Fai had begun to believe all the lies he'd repeated to Kurogane over and over again.

_And what a lie it was_, he thought sardonically to himself and tried to bring the receiver up to his ear. He was hurting and angry and he wanted to hate and to lash out but there was no one to blame but himself. He couldn't put this on Ashura. He said he'd known what he was getting into the first night he'd bled, and some part of that was true. It hadn't stopped him. It hadn't mattered. If he was with Ashura, he felt could withstand anything. _Apparently, there is a limit_. His inner voice was scathing, and he wished he could block it out somehow. He wanted to give in to the unconsciousness pressing against him. He didn't want to have to deal with love or self-worth or consequences any more. He didn't want to _think_.

"_To place a call_," the voice forced him out of his own thoughts for a few seconds and Fai blessed it for its annoyingness. He had to push himself away from the wall long enough to dig for change in his pocket, and the action nearly sent him into nothingness. _Not yet,_ he chided himself and forced his body to move the way he needed it to. Maybe he wanted to stop thinking, but goddamn it, he hadn't come this far to give up now. Whatever survival instincts he had left were alive and flooding him and he knew he needed help.

Looking back, Fai had done a lot of things wrong that night. Wandering off into the dark injured without his cell phone was probably pretty high on the list. Mentioning his roommate in front of a less than stable Ashura was too. He also probably should have used the last of his change to call 911, but he was hurting and out of his mind with fear and craving someone to tell him everything was ok, so the thought didn't even cross his mind. Instead, he used the last of his strength to punch in Kurogane's number. There was probably some kind of significance in the fact that _Kuro_ was the one Fai ran to when he needed strength, but he didn't want to think about that right now. He couldn't afford to deny himself comfort, not with the world fading fast in front of his eyes.

Somewhere between the last digit and the first ring, he let his knees give out and slid his way to the floor. The world was flashing in and out like waves on the shore, so that he didn't know whether the phone had rung one time or a hundred. He found himself curled around the receiver, scrunched into a tiny ball that made his chest hurt so much he couldn't breathe.

Whatever Ashura had broken this time, it was so much worse than it had ever been before. That made sense. The argument was far worse than it'd ever been too. Ashura was jealous and Fai was frustrated and his recent complacency had lulled him into saying things he probably should have left unvoiced. He'd defended Kurogane a little too vehemently, even for himself. Lately, he and Kurogane hadn't got along. Fai was worried that his dark-haired roommate might do something to ruin his self-destructive relationship and Kurogane…. Well he wasn't really sure what Kurogane's problem was. Somewhere between Ashura and his own messed up mind, he hadn't taken the time to think of it much. He probably should have.

_Why? Why bother? __Kurogane__ is not the one you love._ He tried not to breathe too deeply at that murmur in his mind. It sat heavy and sharp amidst his other thoughts, stirring up emotions and dreams he would rather leave alone. Because the truth was, he _did_ care for Kurogane far more than he should. In the time before Ashura, he'd imagined and wondered and wished, but it had come to nothing. Kurogane had only seemed to find him annoying. And besides, that attraction had been frail in the light of what he felt for Ashura. However, it was still there. It had existed. Every time the martial-artist soothed him, held him close until the crying stopped and bandaged the bruises again, he felt it solidify even against his wishes. He did love Kurogane. He could admit it to himself, trapped and losing it in a phone booth in the dead of night as he was.

Knowing that, Ashura not only seemed blameless, but justified. Ashura was hurting and jealous and saw something between him and Kurogane that frightened him. What else could the man do but lash out? Fai deserved it for this small fragment of unfaithfulness. As much as he loved Ashura, he couldn't bring himself to walk away from Kurogane entirely. On some level, he'd begun to see Kuro as a constant in his life; a source of warmth and passion and comfort. He lived with Kurogane for god's sake. It was no wonder Ashura…

_Would beat you for it? Would __**kill**__ you for it?_ His innermost thoughts seeped like poison into his mind and he couldn't block them out, not even with the ringing phone threatening to shake his brain apart. _Because let's face it, you're not sure you'll walk away this time_. Another agonizing, grinding spasm in the pit of his chest and Fai nearly screamed. His vision was fading fast and he knew the voice was right. God. _God_ Kurogane just pick up the phone. He was praying, even though he'd never been anything close to religious in his life.

"Please." He whimpered to no one, desperate to be heard. Maybe he couldn't blame anyone but himself for this, but despite it all he didn't _want_ to die. He could almost feel his own heart beat slowing, each thrum of it more deafening than the cacophonous phone. Time seemed to stretch for an eternity before someone finally picked up.

"What." Kurogane's characteristic abrasiveness had never been as appreciated as in that moment. Fai was so flooded with relief he couldn't speak. The line was silent for a few seconds as he tried to remember how to use his voice again. "Hello?" Kurogane tried again, and the blond could hear the impatience in his voice. He knew he had to say something fast or all his effort would come to nothing. "Fucking prank call," he heard his roommate mutter. It sounded like the phone was getting further away. "I don't have time for this…" and he could just picture the way that Kuro would hit _End_ as violently as he could, stuffing his phone back into his pocket in disgust. The terror was enough to get his vocal cords working again.

"Wait!" He pleaded, his voice so rough and ragged that it didn't sound like him at all. He knew he must sound like prank caller indeed, his short, pained breaths echoing creepily through the receiver. Kurogane probably took him for some kind of pervert. He was sure he would do the same if their positions were flipped. _Please don't hang up, please recognize me, help me, find me, please, God, don't hang up! _There must have been enough desperation in his voice to give Kurogane pause because he didn't hear the line click. He tried to say something, anything, but the words wouldn't come.

"Listen, buddy, I don't have time for your games. It's late. I'm tired. Good bye." Fai's eyes were wide with horror as he saw his chance for salvation slipping away. This was it, this was all he could do. He was going to die here in this glass box, and Ashura and Kurogane and his family would have no idea what happened. They'd forget about him. They'd hate him. He was spiraling quickly into complete irrationality but he didn't really have the luxury to care.

"Please, Kuro… gane!" he finally managed to choke, no longer able to hold back the tears or the body-wracking spasms. It was too late. It had to be. Kuro must have hung up by now, and he was just too far out of it to hear the dead tone on the line. He was losing it, he was fading fast, and _oh my God he was really going to die here._

"Fai?" That wonderful, blessed voice reached out to him over the sea of impending madness. He had to wonder if he wasn't just hallucinating. "Fai, what's going on?" Kurogane sounded worried and there was something wrong with that, but for the life of him Fai couldn't remember what. Something to do with choices and independence and love. He didn't really care about that right now.

"I don't know," he sobbed, and hoped his roommate could understand him despite his hysteria. "I can't breathe. I can't… I—" If he listened past the ringing in his ears, he could hear the new, bubbling sound accompanying each halted breath. It didn't bode well, and the fear made his chest feel even tighter.

"Fai, I'm going to come get you." And the musician could hear the jingle of keys and the slamming of doors as Kurogane rushed through their apartment. He felt more comforted by the words than he had a right to be. He knew logically that he didn't have much chance of walking away from tonight's events alive, but just hearing Kuro say it, like it was true, like there wasn't a doubt in the world he'd do it, was enough to give him hope.

There were a few minutes of silence as Kurogane ran from hallway to hallway, hurrying to the exit. "God damnitFai…. That little shit Ashura had better hope he's not there by the time I get there or I'll kick his damn ass so fucking hard he won't be able to _see_ straight. Fucking _bastard_-!" Fai forced a weak smile as he imagined what a scene his roommate was making. He was likely storming through the building, uncaring of the tenants already asleep or the confusion on the night guard's face at his colorful string of expletives. Fai wished he could see it. "Where the hell are you calling from, anyway?" The martial artist asked after he'd gotten his temper back under control. Either he'd just realized that Fai wasn't using his cell phone, or that he didn't know where he was rushing off to. How like Kuro to rush off in a storm of righteous fury without even knowing where he was going. The ridiculousness of it made Fai laugh, choking and weak. "Fai? Fai, what's going on, are you still there?" Kurogane didn't do panicked well, he decided. It didn't suit such a deep, warm voice.

"Ye-es." He coughed, trying to ignore the liquid escaping him with each wrack. He was sure if he looked it would be red.

"Fai, _where are you_?"

"In a phone booth…" Fai had to pause and catch his breath. "…somewhere near his house." Another self-depreciating laugh, and Fai was bent double in the floor of the phone booth, delirious with agony. "Would you believe I don't even really know…? That's… so like me… idiot." He didn't know whether he was laughing or crying at this point, or whether the distinction really mattered. He couldn't see anything any longer. His world had narrowed down to the sound of Kurogane's voice, and nothing more. _Maybe that's how it should be_, the part of himself that still had the audacity to feel poetic suggested. The thought nearly sent him into another bout of laugh/crying.

"I'm on my way," and those words bled the tension from Fai's shivering frame. Kuro kept talking, but Fai didn't hear it any more. Kuro was on his way. He'd done it. He'd be safe. He'd be ok. And even if the musician didn't really believe those things were true, he knew enough about lying to himself to get by. "…Fai? Fai—don't go to sleep! ….hear me?" The phone beeped, long and annoying. Was he running out of time? "Fai!" Another bothersome tone. "…come on, talk to me, idiot."

Fai closed his eyes.


	5. Innocence and Interrogation

*Wave wave wave* Hi guys! And yet another completely different chapter! I might still have Chi in the next chapter, I'm not sure.

Just so you know... The doctor in this chapter is Shuichiro from Wish. :) Pointless factoid, but if you're a nerd like me it matters.

Please review!

**This chapter was updated 11/15/10**

**I do not own Tsubasa. **

* * *

"Excuse me," it took him a while to register the words, trapped between layers of hazy unconsciousness and painkiller as he was. He groaned and turned away from the annoyance, wishing he could stay forever comatose and unaware of reality. He didn't remember ever falling asleep in the first place, but he knew there was a reason he didn't want to face the world right now. Something to do with… what was it again?

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to wake up." This time the words were accompanied by a hand on his shoulder. Kurogane's trained response was to punch the stranger in the face, but lucky for whoever it was he couldn't move fast enough for that right now. His whole body ached, back and neck most of all. Had he fallen asleep in a chair?

"What?" he muttered murderously back at his awakener. Kurogane's irritated tone was only slightly less intimidating than usual for his slurring thoughts. He couldn't remember what he had been doing the night before, but he knew he didn't want to. It was something bad, something terrifying and he—

"You are the one who brought in Mr. Flowright, correct?" There was a mere moment of incomprehension, and then it was all rushing back—all the worry and the hurt and the complete and total _terror_ of the last 24 hours firmly settled in his mind. He forced his eyes open, jerking forward in his seat and immediately regretting it when he was nearly blinded by too much sterile hospital white.

"Yes, why, what happened? Is he ok? Is he—" He sounded desperate and he knew it. He didn't care. He'd been sitting and going slowly insane in this torturous limbo for long enough to lose any sense of pride. They'd rushed Fai off into surgery and shunted him off to the side—he'd been imagining and praying and slowly going crazy ever since. The man who'd woken him- a doctor, he discovered once he could see again without his eyes tearing up from all that goddamn white- brushed off his frantic concern with a professional ease.

"Well, he's extremely lucky you got him to us when you did, but yes, the operation was a success. He should make a full recovery in time." Kurogane could have collapsed with relief. He probably would have if he hadn't already been sitting. As it was, he just put his head back in his bandage-wrapped hands and re-learned how to breathe.

"Thank God," he murmured in the shell of his palms, trying to ignore the way they shook. He could feel his adrenaline swiftly flowing away, the fear and instinct that had kept him running up to now leaving him nothing more than an exhausted wreck. "Thank God," he choked again, and he might even have meant it for all his supposed atheism. He'd been so sure he'd completely lost Fai when he saw red blood and blue-tinged skin that night. He was willing to believe in anything if it kept Fai breathing. "Where is he?" because even if it was a relief to hear those words, he didn't think he'd be able to believe it if he couldn't see with his own two eyes that the man he loved had escaped death. Pretty words weren't enough to banish the horrible memories of last night from his mind, and they weren't enough to keep Fai safe in the future either. Kuro couldn't afford to sink into complacency now—he had to get back, had to make sure nothing ever happened to Fai ever again. Shit, he just wanted to watch Fai breathe and not hear the horrifying rattle of death with every gasp.

"Soon, Sir," the doctor placated, as if Kuro were a child requesting a treat. "But first I have a few questions I need to ask." The martial-artist groaned. Not this again. He felt like he'd been answering questions and filling out forms almost non-stop since he'd gotten here. He'd been piecing as much of Fai's medical history personal information as he could for them, but it always seemed like there was more to bother him for. "First off, may I please have your name?"

"Seriously?" Kurogane's blood-shot glare was downright violent. "It's Youou Kurogane, which you would know if you'd actually bothered to _look_ at all those damn forms you people had me sign five hundred times. Do you ever even read the shit you make people fill out?" He knew he was being just the slightest bit irrational but he hadn't slept longer than 20 minutes, he hurt all over, and _they were keeping him from Fai_. Surely he was allowed some kind of leeway?

"Mr. Kurogane then," to his credit, the doctor didn't seem at all perturbed. He continued speaking as if he had not heard Kuro's little rant. He took out a pen and pad of paper from his breast pocket and scribbled something down in a way that really set Kurogane's paranoia off. "Now, Mr. Ku—"

"Just Kurogane is fine." He growled, trying his hardest not to think about Fai or the way that idiot liked to butcher his name with every title and suffix he could think of. God how pathetic was he if just being _addressed_ made him think of Fai?

"Kurogane," the doctor nodded to him in acquiescence. "What is your relationship to Mr. Flowright." Damn it. He was positive this had come up on a form earlier too. What the hell was the point of those papers if the hospital wasn't going to use them?

"He's my…roommate." And it hurt to say those words, because Fai meant so much more to him than that. He wanted to call Fai a hundred other things—his best friend, his family, the only one he'd ever been so painfully, chokingly in love with… but Fai had been so angry with him lately, he wasn't really sure he had the right to call the musician "his" anything right now. He clenched his jaw at the idea, willing himself not to wince at the pain of his own thoughts. The doctor across from him just scratched something down again and gave him a cool, indecipherable look.

"Ok, now, could you please explain to the best of your ability what happened to Mr. Flowright yesterday night?" He felt as if his stomach and dropped to his feet, chest so tight that he almost choked. He hadn't wanted to think about it—had been avoiding his own thoughts as much as possible. Seeing Fai that night had been the culmination of everything he'd ever feared. The perfect nightmare. And he'd been so sure then that he was going to lose Fai forever—true love and sacrifice and stupidity be damned. "Kurogane, could you—"

"Look, I heard you, ok? Just…" He didn't know how to finish that sentence. He wasn't sure why they were asking him. He felt like he must have summarized this somewhere on one of those goddamn forms and he tried to remember those words, but he couldn't. He didn't want to. He didn't want to think about any of it any more. He felt like a mess, like his thoughts were running faster than he could understand them. Couldn't this just wait until after Fai woke up? Surely Fai could give them a better—

No, no he wouldn't. Because Fai would be too busy covering up for Ashura to give the hospital anything other than a pretty lie.

"I don't really know much about what happened." And he didn't really _know_. He supposed it might be possible that Fai had left Ashura's for some reason and been beaten by someone else on his way home. But given what had happened before… it had to be Ashura. It could _only_ be Ashura. Fai wouldn't cry like that for anyone else. "He just… He called me. I came and got him. That's it." Kuro only wished it were really as simple as that. As it was, his ears still hadn't stopped ringing with the haunting sound of Fai's broken voice.

"He…called you?" The doctor sounded skeptical. The martial artist clenched his torn fists and wondered what the fuck this man wanted from him.

"Yes," he spat, "he called me at two in the morning. From a phone booth. I got there as fast as I could but he…" He hated feeling like this. All he could think of was the pure horror of that moment, finding Fai splayed against ground and glass. He could see perfectly the way blood had tricked from pale lips in the artificial light. He remembered every detail of those world-ending seconds before Fai's chest had risen again, ever so slightly, and he realized he hadn't lost Fai yet, but he might still. He had to hurry, he had to _fix this._

Everything between that point and this endless waiting had slid by in a terror-filled blur. He knew he must have broken the glass to get Fai free; the musician wasn't short by any means and all those long limbs didn't lend themselves well to being scrunched up on the floor of a tiny glass box. Damn door opened inward, and there had not been any time. The only thing running through his head at that moment was the knowledge that he had to _get to Fai_ and everything else had flown out the window, including any and all common sense, or even his own pain. He only knew he'd been hurt at all because he could just make out the ugly mix of blood and black stitches beneath his new bandages. He couldn't feel them. He didn't remember watching them sew him back together, or filling out any of his _own_ paperwork. God_, _he was out of it. They'd put him on some kind of pain-killer and he probably needed to sleep it off, but there was no way he'd rest easy until he'd seen that Fai was really alright with his own eyes. Why weren't they letting him see Fai?

"Kurogane? If you would continue?" Kuro blinked at the sound of his own name, suddenly pulled back to the world of white walls and nosy doctors. Shit, he didn't remember what he'd even been talking about. Whatever they'd put him on must have been pretty damn strong to have him reeling so effectively. He was _never_ this spacey. "What happened to Mr. Flowright?" He growled, bandaged hands clenching tightly around the armrests of his chair and making his new wounds hurt just enough to break through his fuzzy thoughts.

"I already told you, I _don't know._ When I got there he was already—he'd already been…" Been what, nearly killed? Left for dead? Kurogane closed his eyes and shook with the horror of it, just for a second. Even if it had only been for an instant, he had thought that Fai was gone forever. Kurogane had shattered then. He hadn't yet had enough time to put himself back together.

"Kurogane," the doctor began again, and Kuro had to wonder where the man's obsession with his name had come from. He shot his questioner an annoyed glance only to find himself being closely analyzed in return. Damn doctor was still writing things down on his horridly yellow notepad, the scratching of his pen just enough to drive Kuro absolutely insane. "Those are some interesting injuries on your hands. Can you tell me what happened?"

"Apparently, I punched a phone booth." He groused, ready to tear his hair out in frustration. "What the hell has that got to do with anything?" His torturer sent him an exasperated, arrogant look that sent alarm bells ringing in Kurogane's head. Something wasn't right here. He glanced at the empty seats all around him. Hadn't there been other people in this room before?

"When we treated Mr. Flowright, we found evidence of many more injuries than those he had been admitted for last night, some of which have been healing for months, others much more recent. The placing and the frequency of these contusions and minor injuries are consistent with domestic abuse cases." Kuro felt all the blood drain from his face. "Are you Mr. Flowright's only roommate?" He understood now—the empty room, the note-pad. If he caught the reflection right he could see the blue uniform of a police officer just outside the glass door. He couldn't help himself. The laughter bubbled up painful and bitter from the depths of his dying heart.

"This is too much," he choked, trying to get himself back under control and failing. "You think that _I'm_ the one…?" The doctor didn't really respond, merely eyed his abnormally tall, muscled form and the bandages on his hands.

"Kurogane, I assure you we are merely investigating all avenues open to us. We are concerned for Mr. Flowright and want to make sure he will be able to safely recover—surely if you care for him you will understand?" He didn't believe that bull. He didn't think the doctor really did either. The words sounded too bored, too well rehearsed.

"Look, Asshole." Maybe the cursing and the glares didn't exactly help his case, he didn't care. He was fucking tired, and he was out of his mind with anger right now, was so full of it that it ached. How _dare_ they compare him to the monster who'd hurt Fai? How dare they look at him, listen to him for no more than a few sentences and decide he was capable of such a thing? Maybe he looked suspicious, he could admit that, but… It rankled horridly to be blamed for that man's crimes when he'd already suffered so much because of them. "There's no way I'd _ever_ hurt him like that. I couldn't—" the idea of hitting Fai was so painful that it made him choke. He'd threatened to before, jokingly, back when they'd first met. Fai had been an annoyance then. But after holding the musician's fragile, bruised form in his arms, watching Fai fall slowly apart… he didn't want to think about it. It could never be a joke to him again. "He's too—I… Fai's the closest thing to family I've got. Closer." Maybe it was a little pathetic of him to admit that. Fai probably didn't feel the same, but honestly Fai was all Kurogane had. Probably why it had killed him so much inside to think Fai might not make it. (Don't think of that. _Shit_ don't think of blood and blond and _god he's not breathing—!)_

"I've seen mothers love their children so much that they tried to kill them. Husbands who get their wives sent to the ER once a week, but spend every second holding her hand, whispering their twisted love into her ear. I don't care what you think you are or are not capable of. Mr. Flowright is my patient, and it is my job to keep him healthy. If you really cared for him, you would understand that." There was something to the man's words, but Kurogane didn't want to listen to them. The phrase _"if you really cared for him"_ was echoing mockingly through his mind, and Kuro felt like screaming. If only he'd loved a little more or a little less, only a little more or a little less and he could set this record straight, might have done it already…

"It wasn't me." His voice was rough, eyes flashing. He'd probably never looked more like a madman than he did just then. Then the voice came, insidious and painful and right, from the back of his mind—that maybe, maybe it _was_. It _had _been Kurogane in a way, because he'd done nothing to stop it. He should have put a stop to all this from the beginning. The moment he'd understood that Fai had been hurt, he should have turned that bastard in and his own heart be damned. But he hadn't. And now Fai was in the hospital because of it—had just escaped death because of it—_fuck._

"Then surely you knew something was going on? Being so close to him and everything." The patronizing sarcasm was not lost on Kurogane, but he didn't rise to meet it. Here was his chance—he could tell them everything, maybe clear his own name, set them on the right track and finally get Fai free of that man. But he wouldn't. Couldn't. He wanted to tell them the truth. He really did. But more than that, he wanted _Fai_ to tell them. He wanted there to be no doubt, no uncertainty of Ashura's ability to get away. Well... he _wanted_ to kill that bastard with his own two hands, but he knew he'd be no help to Fai from prison. He'd settle for getting the professor sent behind bars for as long as possible and he knew little could be done unless Fai himself pressed charges. He wasn't completely naïve.

That, and he was at total coward.

"Fai is so good at lying." He avoided answering the question, all the ire and strength suddenly drained from his voice. "Sometimes I think he even manages to fool _himself_." A tiny, broken, half-laugh. The doctor started eyeing him with a little less suspicion and a little more pity. It made Kurogane no less irritated.

"You didn't exactly seem surprised to learn why I'm questioning you. You must have at least suspected." He closed his eyes for a few moments, tried to find the words to say. "Wasn't there anyone suspicious in Mr. Flowright's life? Maybe a significant other?" The following whole-body flinch must have given him away—the doctor latched onto that idea. "What is their name, Kurogane."

"No," Kuro whispered, hating himself for it and for what he had to say. _What else is there to do?_ he asked himself again and again. He knew there was an answer but he hadn't come up with it yet. "No, I'm not saying anything. I can't." The doctor's frown was nearly audible.

"Why, is this person threatening you? Kurogane, you said that Mr. Flowright was important to you. Surely you understand that we only mean to help him?" Kuro shook his head.

"You can't really do anything to them unless Fai agrees, right? And I know him. He won't. He'll just hate me for saying anything, he'll block me out and I'll have really lost him. He wouldn't even let me patch him up any more." He was babbling now and he knew it. He wasn't really sure any longer whether he was trying to convince the doctor or his self. "I wouldn't know any more if he's ok, I won't even know if maybe he's dying in a phone booth somewhere. I… He…." There was the crux of it. He couldn't say anything, because now, even more than being hated by Fai he was afraid of the uncertainty. He was acting like a frightened child and he knew it. The doctor didn't seem to know what to say. His pen had stopped its incessant motions at last. They sat there, staring each other down man-to-man in the silence and finally seemed to come to some kind of understanding.

"Look," Kuro began again once he felt like he could talk without choking. "If you're really serious about helping him, you can talk to Fai when he wakes up." _When _he wakes up, not if. Kurogane spoke the word like a spell and dared the doctor to correct him. He didn't. "He's the only one who can do anything about it now." If only because Kurogane was too much a coward himself.

"You won't reconsider?" The doctor tried one last time, but Kuro could tell that he was only asking out of habit.

"You get Fai to say anything, even if it's just to admit he's been abused at all, and I'll tell you everything." _That_ got him an odd look. The doctor seemed to be searching his face for lies, probably wasn't sure whether Kuro sincerely cared or whether this might just be a very excellent and elaborate act. For his part, the martial artist couldn't really say he cared. He was far too exhausted, emotionally and physically, to give a damn what people thought of him right now. He was completely drained, all his ire gone. He was going to see Fai, and then he was going to collapse. "Now, are you going to tell me where he is, or do I need to start ripping open every damn door in the building?"

"You know, you're really not making a very good case for being a non-violent, caring roommate, Kurogane." His interrogator smiled faintly as he stood, and Kurogane was suddenly struck by how young the man looked. If the situation had been different, and he hadn't just been dragged through the emotional obstacle course of a lifetime, he may have been the rare sort of man Kurogane would have respected. Maybe even a friend. As it was, he was only an obstacle. Kuro was too frantic and half-drugged to see him as anything other than that right now. "Alright. Come on, I'll take you to him." The doctor goaded, motioning for him to follow. Kurogane was quick to comply.


	6. Bitter Coffee

Errr... Hi? *is hit by debris* DON'T HURT ME!

Back to the ultra-extreme overhaul of this... monstrous beast. I went ahead and took the oldest chapters off because every time I look at them it actually makes me sick to my stomach to see how horrible I used to be at writing. /shudder

So anywho, this is a revamped version of Kuro's meeting with Chi. Hope you like it better. /bow

It allways impresses me that there are still people reading this who started waaaay back when it began... thank you for bearing with me for so long! It must be tiresome. :)

Anyway, tell me what you think? Critiques are apreciated as always.

(Current as of 4/19/11)

* * *

Two days. Two days he'd been stuck in this whitewashed hell, with nothing to do but stare at his linen-wrapped hands and fall prey to the demons of his own mind. Two days of waiting on a razors edge for those too-blue eyes to open. Two days of no sleep, and hospital food, and the ceaseless beeping of equipment he didn't understand. Two _fucking_ days, and Fai had not so much as twitched.

Kurogane shifted in the stiff chair, dragged in from the waiting room, and tried to keep his leg from going to sleep again. He knew this was stupid. There were a thousand other things he could probably be up doing right now that would be more helpful to Fai than sitting here staring at his pale, unmoving face. He should have contacted their college's guidance office to explain the situation. He should have gone back to the apartment to gather a couple changes of clothes… maybe some movies or school books. Even after he woke up Fai'd probably be stuck here a couple days, and as Kurogane knew from experience, the idiot got bored easily. Hell, he should have found an empty room somewhere and gotten a decent night of sleep. It wasn't like he'd be of much help to anyone zonked out on painkillers and completely exhausted like he was.

But…. Even if he knew those things, he couldn't bring himself to leave Fai's side now. The nurses and doctors had tried to move him a couple times, telling him the blond would be ok. One look at his unnatural eyes had silenced them. How could he possibly leave, with the memory of that night still terrifying him every time he so much as blinked? He hadn't been able to stop it. He'd never have even known anything was wrong if Fai hadn't managed to call him. Fucking… Fai had almost _died, _and all Kurogane had been able to do was pick up the pieces after all the damage had already been done, praying like hell that he wouldn't lose the one he loved for real this time. There was no one he could punch, no targets to destroy that could fix it. He was fucking powerless in all of this, and he _hated_ it. What was there to do but sit here, watch, wait, and make _damn_ sure that it never happened again?

Except that wasn't the case, was it. Because this very well could happen again. Fai would wake up, (and he _would_ wake up, goddamn it) and it would take all of five minutes for him to return to his usual, "I'm an adult, I'll make my own decisions" self. He'd be angry at Kurogane for caring at all, let alone ready to go along with some kind of twenty-four hour surveillance plan. There wasn't any real way to keep Fai safe. He couldn't follow the blond absolutely everywhere like a demented shadow, or tie him down and forbid him to ever leave the apartment. In his wildest, most hysterical moments he thought he might just go kill the fucking_ bastard_ that did this with his own two hands. At least that way, he'd _know_ this could never happen again. Sure, he'd go to jail and Fai would absolutely loathe him, but it wasn't like he'd ever believed he could have Fai anyway. The least he could do was make sure that idiot had some kind of chance for happiness in the future, whether he liked it or not. Even the pain of Fai hating him had to be better than the sinking, world-stopping agony of the last couple days, wondering if the one he loved was even going to _live_.

Kuro cursed and clenched his abused hands tighter. This wasn't like him. He wasn't some kind of traumatized schoolgirl. He could let himself fall to pieces later—after Fai was awake and really okay and didn't need him to be strong any longer. He shook his head and tried to banish the image of Fai sitting broken and blue-tinged against the cold glass. He refused to think about that right now, but try as he might, his thoughts kept wandering back to it. The lack of sleep and the stress were making him weak, as he knew they would.

Damn it.

"Just fucking wake up already, you stupid musician." His voice was rough and loud against the silence of the hospital room, but lacked any real venom. He was just sleep-deprived enough to reach over and brush a stray lock of hair away from his friend's wan face, tracing those features softly as he did. "I swear I'm going to start burning a page of your sheet music for every minute you keep me waiting here… serves you right for leaving it around the living room like that anyway." Kurogane mumbled, wondering if this was proof that he'd finally lost his mind. His hand didn't stop its gentle motion though, and it was nice to feel Fai's breath against his fingers, reminding him that his idiot was really still here and still alive.

"…thank you." The words reached him just seconds before the door opened, and Kurogane was on his feet and between Fai and the unknown threat before he even knew what he was doing. He was already in a stance for one of his best defensive forms, adrenaline pumping through his veins when his roving eyes found the tiny girl in the doorway.

"Mr. Kurogane?" She stopped to look him over, grimacing. He knew he must have looked a mess if an 8th grader could glance at him and start worrying. The martial artist in question just sighed and tried to calm his heart-rate back down. He didn't know what he'd expected to come through that door, but Chi wasn't it.

"How many times do I have to tell you, kid? It's just Kurogane." He replied to her automatically, dropping back into his chosen chair. She looked too much like her brother just then; all sunshine and sharp edges until it hurt to look at her. So Kuro didn't.

"Should I get another chair?" She asked him quietly, more timid and serious than he was used to seeing her. Well, of course she was, Kurogane chided himself, she'd heard what happened, hadn't she? Her beloved brother was in the hospital, so of course she'd… "Kurogane? Are you ok?" Unnatural red eyes flicked up to meet soft, doe brown. She was looking at him with that terrifying, Fai-like concern and it was positively _haunting_. Why was she looking at him like that? He wasn't the one lying dead still on the hospital bed. He didn't deserve her concern.

"Sorry kid, they put me on something and I'm not quite right in the head. What did you say?" Let alone that he hadn't taken a dose of the damn stuff all day. The truth was that his sanity was slipping, but he couldn't tell her that for obvious reasons.

"Put you on something…? Why did they—" He flashed her a glimpse of his messed up hands and prayed she'd drop it. Having her worry over him when Fai was so much worse off seemed like a sick joke. "I—I'll be right back." She chimed before going right back out the door, closing it behind her as softly as she could. Kurogane turned back to his unconscious charge as soon as the faint _click_ faded.

"Don't tell me you're just going to sleep the whole time, dork. Your sister came to visit, and you're just going to make her watch you breathe? It's not that exciting, let me tell you." It struck him suddenly that talking to an unconscious person and trying to tease them into waking was a very Fai-like thing to do. Maybe he was just trying to fill the awful, Fai-shaped hole in his heart with some kind of normalcy. Whatever it was, he was well aware that he looked like an idiot doing it. That didn't mean he could stop.

"First thing you should do when you wake up is fix your hair. You look pretty dumb." Kurogane tried to tease, but he could hear how awkward the words sounded falling from his lips. Regardless, the statement was true. He supposed he'd gotten used to seeing that ridiculous, tiny ponytail Fai insisted on keeping. Now he just couldn't deal with the sight of that all that hair splayed haphazardly against the too-white pillows. Kuro threaded his fingers through unruly, blond locks without thinking and tried to arrange them into some semblance of normalcy as he talked. "I'm serious about the music burning thing, you know. You're already up to at least 10 pages. You're just lucky I can't count straight enough to know the exact number at the moment." Fai's hair had a mind of its own, it seemed. He'd only managed to make his friend look more ridiculous. Kurogane gave up after only a few more minutes, but he left his hand pressed to Fai's left cheek where he could just feel the faint stir of air every time the musician exhaled. He tried to tell himself he wasn't womanishly hysterical for needing that kind of reassurance.

"C'mon, idiot. I'd even let you call me a nickname. The most ridiculous, girly one you can think of." He paused for a moment, because somehow he expected Fai to spring up then and call him the most outrageous, outlandish, unbearable name he possibly could. The dork would probably smile and say he'd really been awake several hours. That he'd faked sleep just to see what he could get Kurogane to say. Then Kurogane would get angry and stew about how annoying his roommate was, and Fai would poke and prod and call him stupid names until he was ready to scream, and everything would be normal and safe and wonderful again.

…and then Kurogane woke up. He managed to pry one eye open in time to spot Chi stumbling though the door. She was trying to balance a cup of what looked like coffee and drag in a waiting room chair at the same time.

"Kid, what on earth are you doing?" He moaned, voice cracking with the strain. He couldn't have slept for more than a couple minutes just now, but his neck was still stiff to the point of pain when he tried to move it.

"Ah! I'm sorry Kurogane, I didn't mean to wake you up," she almost-whispered as he took the chair out of her hands and placed it beside his own at the head of the bed. Just standing up took a lot more effort than it should have, and the weight of the damned chair against the stitches of his right hand was enough to make his arm shake. It only served to make him feel even more helpless. He was struck with a sudden wave of longing for his dojo—where he was confident and powerful, and he knew what right and wrong meant. Maybe after he was sure Fai was okay, he could just go spend a whole day training until he was numb with pleasant soreness.

_But that's never going to happen, is it? How will you ever know he's okay again?_

Fucking thoughts. He wished they'd shut up.

"It's fine, Chi. I didn't want to be asleep anyway," he groused, collapsing boneless back into his chair and closing his eyes. From the slight rustling he could hear beside him, he guessed Chi had seated herself in a more lady-like fashion.

"Here I brought you—" And here he knew she'd finally been able to catch a full glimpse of Fai's battered form, because she suddenly had to gasp for air. "I… I brought you some coffee." It took her a full minute to remember to finish her sentence, and even then, her voice was significantly higher, still a little shaken. Still, he thought she'd fared admirably well. It was more than Kurogane could have managed. He was pretty sure when they'd first shown him in here he'd just sat and stared for hours, praying that none of this was real—that it was all some kind of realistic, twisted dream. But Fai had still been there every time he blinked, looking beaten and broken and so fucking _lifeless_ with all those wires and tubes hooked into him… It was hard to process. He didn't think he was quite done processing it yet.

"How much do I owe you?" He took the steaming cup from her outstretched hand without really looking at her. He didn't think he was being too rude. She couldn't seem to stop staring at Fai either.

"I didn't pay anything, the lady just handed it to me." Kurogane glanced at her sidelong, his pride forcing him to be skeptical, but there was nothing dishonest in her too-serious, cherubim's face. He had to remember that this was _Chi_, not Fai. He didn't think that girl could lie if her life depended on it. Shrugging, he gave in and took a sip of the dark liquid. It tasted disgusting, but it was hot and it would wake him up. That was all he cared about. He focused on the way it burned down his throat, using the bitter taste of it to anchor himself to reality. Chi was so quiet at his side that he'd almost forgotten she was there when she started talking again.

"He—He's going to be ok, isn't he? They told me downstairs that he was fine, but…" Kurogane gazed blankly at the still form of his roommate and tried not to let his hands shake too badly. He didn't need burns and wet bandages on top of the stitches, after all.

"Yeah, kid. He'll be alright," he lied through his teeth, and took an extra-large gulp of black liquid. He wondered if there was any significance to the way it scalded his throat on the way down.

"What happened to him? I've never seen my brother look so…" The words failed her, but Kurogane knew what she meant. Fai looked shattered, emotionally and physically. The bruises on his too-pale skin were frightening enough, but even asleep his expression was just so… broken? No, that wasn't quite the word for it.

"Couldn't tell you. I found him like that." He wondered if he was going to make lying like this a regular habit. The idiot had really rubbed off on him.

"That's what Momma said you told her, but I hoped… well…" Odd. Kurogane had no memory of calling the Flowright residence, but he supposed he must have. He didn't remember a lot of what had happened over the last two days—they'd seemed to stream by in a flash of drugged up hysteria.

"Your parents didn't deign to come by?" He asked derisively, mumbling around the Styrofoam of his cup. Chi winced. She probably knew well enough what he thought of them.

"Ah, no. They're still angry with him." Angry that their son was gay? Angry he'd decided to pursue a career in the arts, instead of following in their politico-footsteps? Kurogane scoffed and rolled his eyes at their mindless bigotry. He was glad he didn't remember calling Fai's "home". He'd probably said some rather uncomplimentary things. At least now he wouldn't have to fake ignorance when Fai chided him for it later.

"Figures," he spat. "Fai gets himself near-killed and they can't make the time of day to visit." The words tasted like ash in his mouth. He had to down the last of the coffee to banish the flavor. It wasn't until he'd finished that he realized Chi was frowning, her hands fidgeting with the edge of her blue, uniform skirt. Despite her quiet, calming demeanor, she was still only a middle-school kid. It probably stung to listen to him talk about her mother and father like that. "Sorry," he grumbled almost inaudibly.

"It's alright. I know they're not nice people, sometimes." She paused, brow ever so slightly furrowed. "But I think…. If they saw him like this, even they would want to fix it. At least, I hope they would." _Yeah, right_, Kurogane growled in the safety of his own mind. He'd met Fai's parents just once, over an awkwardly tense lunch. It had been enough to convince him that those people weren't the type to seek forgiveness. They'd pretty much disowned Fai the day he'd been accepted into the music program, and that was that.

Kurogane fell into taciturn reminiscence for a while, his mind grateful to have something other than his own powerlessness and Fai's flawed decision-making to be angry with. He ran with his thoughts and didn't come out of it until he felt Chi's gentle hand on his arm some time later. "Kurogane. Thank you for taking care of my brother." His heart hurt to hear the sincerity in her voice. He wished he could run away from it. "Maybe it should be our parents' job but… I'm glad that it's you. He seems happy around you." And _god_ didn't he just feel like a monster now. He crushed the empty Styrofoam cup with unnecessary violence, trying not to wince when he put too much pressure on his stitches. Why did she have to have so much faith in him? What made her think he was anything but useless when it came to Fai?

"You don't have to thank me. It's not like I decided to take care of that idiot. He's just too troublesome to leave on his own."

"True," Chi laughed back, muffling the sound with her sleeve. "In any case, I'm grateful." Kurogane chanced a glance at her, and instantly regretted it. She was nothing but trust and belief, tinged with a sadness that was too old for her face. He knew with a sudden clarity that he'd never be able to let her stupid brother walk into danger again. This was more than him and Fai, or Fai and Ashura. Chi didn't know anything about what had happened, what was still happening, but she could still be hurt by it. If Fai had died that night…If Fai had died…

God, what the hell kind of sentence was that? Was he only just thinking of it now? Fai could have fucking _died, _and somehow he'd never taken the time to realize what that meant. If Fai died, all the right and wrong in the world would make no difference. It wouldn't matter that Fai still loved Ashura, or that Fai still felt like an adult. Kurogane would just be stuck knowing that he'd done nothing to stop it, and that would be far more painful than any kind of retribution Fai could come up with. He'd spend the rest of his life hating himself and trying to forget. He knew that. So why was he still sitting here wallowing and wondering what there was to do about it? The answer was simple, and it always had been. He was going to end this. One way or another.

Kurogane stalked over to the trash and dropped his crushed cup in listlessly. He stood there, hovering in the corner until he could put all his emotions back in their buried places. Chi seemed content to leave him be. When he'd mastered himself enough to turn around, he found her staring at her brother again, looking like the world had ended.

Ugh. As if he didn't feel enough like a bastard already.

"Did you want to be alone with him? I can leave if you want." He was selfish and overprotective, but he knew how important family was. Kurogane couldn't get in the way of that. Not even if he'd be sick to his stomach with worry the moment Fai was out of sight. He'd need practice with the feeling if he was really planning on putting a stop to Fai's idiocy.

"No, it's alright." And he wouldn't admit to the unrestrained surge of relief that flooded him at her words. They sat there, silent for a while. Kurogane was suddenly struck by how damned _quiet_ it was without the musician around. He was searching for something to say to fill that void when he had his first lucid thought that day.

"So if your folks didn't have the decency to come by, how'd you get here, Kid?" he mused. Chi tensed and shivered like a puppy about to be scolded, hands back to fidgeting at her hemline.

"I…. might have skipped school," she mumbled into her sweater. Kurogane had figured as much, once he'd woken up enough to realize she was wearing her school uniform.

"Not what I asked. How'd you get here?" She blinked at him with glossy, innocent confusion. She'd probably never seen an adult brush off admissions of blatant rule-breaking like that.

"…I took the subway." Kurogane nodded at her.

"Do you have money for the fare back?"

"No," she admitted after he'd stared her into honesty. She seemed to be having trouble meeting his eyes. "I thought they'd call my parents when they found me. I just wanted to see Fai. I didn't think—"

"If you leave by one o'clock, you should be able to make it back in time to catch your ride home." The martial artist had to dig painfully in his pockets for his wallet for a few moments, but found it with relative ease. He grabbed Chi's wrist and put enough money for any subway fare directly into her hand. "Don't make this a habit, alright? I'll have that idiot call you when he wakes up." He let himself half-fall back into the chair without looking at her. He was pretty sure if he had, she'd be looking at her palm like it didn't belong to her. Kid was too polite for her own good. It took a while longer for her to get over her shock enough to speak again.

"You're the best, Kurogane."

…_damn it._


End file.
